I know my first baby was a breeze. He’s now 8 years old and a handsome little man. My first miscarriage was a few years after he was born. I didn’t even know I was pregnant. The only indication was the constant month of bleeding. I thought the first week was just an extra long period. Then it was a rough three weeks to get seen by an OB/GYN doctor where I lived. I really didn’t know how far along I was. I had to get a D&C done on my 24th birthday. Heaven knows how sad it was facing a D&C alone. I didn’t know what to expect or what a D&C was. Surprisingly I ended up pregnant a month later. I now have a beautiful 4 year old. I then was blessed with another girl who is now 2.
I just recently went through the excitement of telling people I was expecting. A part of me wanted to wait. Maybe this was my mind telling me something was wrong. I was overjoyed when I scheduled my first prenatal appointment. Sad to say my baby didn’t make it. I went to the emergency room 3 days in a row, then was told to go on bed rest for 2 days, then to see my doctor. My doctor did an ultrasound and showed me my uterus had a blackened spot with this fuzzy cloud around it. I knew from there I wasn’t to expect a miracle. I was then told to take a medication to help flush the remains. The first 48 hours I was in excruciating pain. I passed blood clots the size of quarters.
Then one night I took a shower. Upon getting out, my fiance helped me slowly to get dressed. I was feeling a sensation of warm blood passing fast. I then was getting scared because of not knowing what to expect. I kept getting the sensation again and I felt a little relief after. Little did I know I passed a sac not knowing it was my baby inside. I was horrified. All I could do was cry.
Today is the day after it happened. I can’t help but feel the sadness and emptiness of what could have been. I’m blessed that God gave me 11 weeks and 1 day with him/ her. I always imagined it was a girl. My fiance and I always feel a pain of losing our baby. I can’t find the words to help cope with the loss. I try to have a strong exterior for my fiance but feel like I’m shattering into a million pieces. I know he feels the same. We just talk to each other as we need to. We need to show our kids to live strong ,to show them anything that is thrown at them they can survive.
I hope this story helps someone.
-Jennifer L.
Belcourt, ND
Published 12/16/16