My husband and I decided to start trying for a baby on New Year’s Day 2015. I was so excited because we had put off TTC for over 6 months due to my husband temporarily getting laid off from his job.
I jumped right into the process and began charting my temperature and using digital opks. On March 15, 2015, I decided to take a test. I was fully expecting it to be negative since I had tested earlier that week and it was negative. To my shock, the stick quickly displayed two pink lines. Shaking uncontrollably, I grabbed a digital test and took that one too. When that read pregnant, I flew into my bedroom to wake up by husband. I was shaking so hard and crying that he thought something was wrong. I finally showed him the test and we were overjoyed. It had only taken two cycles to get pregnant, so I felt incredibly lucky. According to the date of my last period, I was 4 weeks 2 days pregnant.
I called my doctor and set up my first appointment for April 16, 2015. That date seemed impossibly far away and I didn’t think I could wait to tell my family for that long.
We decided to tell our families when I was 6 weeks along. I had a few symptoms at this point and never had any spotting or bleeding, so I felt confident that everything was going to be okay. We got my family’s reaction to the news on video and it was a sweet moment that I thought I would be able to share with my baby one day.
The day of my first appointment finally arrived. I was incredibly nervous heading into my appointment, but felt reassured when my doctor offered to send me for a dating ultrasound that day instead of waiting a few weeks for the 12 week scan.
When I laid down for my ultrasound, I could easily see the tech’s face and the screen. I noticed right away that the tech’s face changed and she turned the screen away from me. She took a bunch of pictures and then told us to go back to my doctor’s office for the results. I knew something was wrong immediately.
My doctor informed me that my baby was measuring several weeks behind. She wondered if my dates were wrong, but I knew that they were not since I had been charting my temperatures. She sent me for blood work to see what my hcg levels were. I went back two days later to see if the levels had doubled. My levels were at nearly 40,000, but had not doubled in the time they should have. I was told to schedule a second ultrasound for 1 week after my first to see if the baby had grown.
I spent the next week knowing that I had miscarried, but tried to stay positive for the sake of my husband. At my second ultrasound it was confirmed that my baby had not grown in the last week and that there was no heartbeat.
Since my hormone levels were still increasing, my doctor suggested a D&C. I agreed since I didn’t think my body would pass the pregnancy on its own. On April 29, 2015, I underwent the simple D&C procedure. Within a day, I physically felt fine, but emotionally have been a wreck. It seems so strange and terrible to go about my day, without anyone really knowing what I went through.
In a few months we will start trying again, but I know I will never feel the same.
-Susan V.
Pittsburgh, PA
Published 5/13/15